We are all more than the worst thing that has happened to us – Bryan Stevenson
I did not realize it was Mother’s Day until I heard someone mention it at the golf club.
No wonder there were morning tee times available at the last minute.
Once I realized what day it was, I sent a text to my brother asking if he would be visiting SinJa. If he was, I asked if he could also pick up a bouquet for me.
I have never seen my relationship with SinJa as a typical mother-daughter relationship – whether viewed from a Korean or North American cultural lens.
After COVID, I saw a therapist. In those sessions, I came to understand my mother as a narcissist. When the therapist asked if I wanted to talk about how I might discuss this with my mother, I declined. I saw no reason for me to upset her understanding of her life and her relationships.
A few years later, I was very glad I had declined that conversation.
It was a few years after I had my therapy sessions that SinJa was assaulted on her daily morning walk. Since then, we have made every effort since to get her the care she needs and to ensure that she is in a safe place. This has not been easy. It has also come with costs well beyond what is provided through Canada’s universal health care system.
Her assailant attacked her violently from behind at eight in the morning. He spent a few months in jail and was then released. He got a second chance. She did not.
That has been a very hard pill to swallow. I carried anger toward him for years, and I suspect there will always be remnants of that anger within me.
We are thankful that a spot opened up for her in a long-term care facility. My brother and his family visit her as often as they can, bringing Korean food and sharing time with her. She has good days and bad days.
She is not the woman who raised me. A different personality is there when I visit. I am grateful for this because I choose to see it as her shedding all the guards she carried through life. I may be wrong about that. But I need to find a positive way to view her situation.
I chose this photo today as it is from a time when so much was still ahead of her. She and Kenny were touring Europe and about to be married. A full life of adventure away from a war-devastated Korea was waiting for them.
I want to think of her in this moment – full of hope and dreams.
Today, I am grateful today for all that she & Kenny did in their Canadian lives that made my life possible.
I am grateful I did not confront her with the understandings I gained in therapy.
And I am so grateful that we have been able to ensure that she is well cared for and safe.
